The infectious smile of Dhanalakshmi Sekhar goes missing as she recalls the nights she spent alone, wondering where and how it all went wrong. Having beaten the likes of Hima Das and Dutee Chand, Dhanalakshmi had her eyes set on Commonwealth Games and Asian Games before she failed an out-of-competition test leading to a three-year ban. After returning to the top level with the state senior last month, the 27-year-old well and truly announced her comeback as she ended her campaign at the 64th Senior National Inter-State Athletics Championship with three gold medals. Having won in 100m and 4x100m earlier, on Saturday she clinched gold in the 200m as well, clocking 23.53 at the Jawaharlal Nehru Stadium.
“Those nights were not just hard, but very long as well,” Dhanalakshmi tells The Indian Express. “If I’d done it, I would have thought, ‘Ok, I did it and I’ve to pay the price for it’. But I didn’t know how it happened. When you don’t have answers, you struggle for a closure. I’ve faced plenty of setbacks and tough phases in my personal life (she has lost her sister in 2021), but none of it prepared for this. The worst was when I watched others win gold. I had better timing than them, but not to be there was devastating, Dhanalakshmi adds.
For the next two years, where she worked as a sports officer at Tamil Nadu Electricity Board, she was completely not just off the tracks, but was totally detached from sports. Her coach Manikanda Arugmugam says when they started her long way back a year ago in Tiruchy, Dhanalakshmi had lost all her strength and was weak.
“She was just like any other 9-5 work person. Since she was away from sports, she had stopped taking nutritious food. She was in depression,” says Arugmugam, who was there to witness her success in Chennai.
Aftermath of the ban
Soon after she returned home after the ban was announced, Arumugam was amongst the first to visit Dhanalakshmi’s house in Tiruchy to tell her to start thinking of a comeback. But those six months would test Dhanalakshmi in all extremes. “When I met him, I was expecting a different reaction. But he didn’t even ask, ‘did you do this or how can you do this’. He told me be ready to give a big comeback. For six months I wasn’t myself. I kept thinking about it and not sleep at all. When I failed, the CWG was just a week away. I was dreaming off singing the national anthem. From there to be at home and miss three years is still hard for me to believe,” Dhanalaksmi says.
While being in office offered her some distraction, Dhanalakshmi says she also did a conscious effort to believe the ban never happened. It was one way to keep her going, but more importantly to start again. She calls the moment where she wore her running shoes after two years as mighty emotional, but the reality of it was faced only at the ground.
“For two years, I hadn’t stepped inside the ground. So when I wore the shoes, there were many emotions inside me. And I faced questions as to why I’m doing this again. When I heard it, I’d just one goal on my mind – I’ve to make a comeback. Since I was out for two years, it was very hard, but mind was set on comeback,” she says.
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From there on, her day would begin at 5.30am with three hour practice from 6am and another session in the evening from 4.30 to 7.30. Having Arumugam, who knew her more than anyone else too helped her. “It was starting from zero. Her running basics were a bit off. For one month, she struggled. Even running proved very challenging for her. There were many times she said, ‘Sir, I’m done. I don’t want to run anymore.’ Then she would say, ‘Leave me, I can’t do it.’ I’d to keep convincing her that she can be back at the top. She had to be pushed. A lot had been said about her. She had to re-write it. It was her dream too,” says Arumugam.
The next five months would see her go about improving her strength and endurance before she started doing trials towards the end of last December.
“She couldn’t run a lot. She would do one race, and then struggle. When it came to endurance, there was not much struggle because you will gradually build it. But with running, you don’t know whether you are running quickly or slow. It took about five months to settle. From there on, we have been looking at the meets schedule and preparing for it. This tournament was big target. She met my expectations in 100m, in 200m thought she could break 23.02, but since she did three consecutive races after a long back, her muscles were tired,” says Arumugam.
With three gold medals dangling on her neck, the smile is back in Dhanalakshmi’s face. “At one point, I thought to even make a comeback is beyond me. To win three gold on return feels happy, but I’m not satisfied. We were looking at national record, but when I came here, I was very nervous. Since this is my first big event on return, every time I stepped on the blocks, there was a nervous feel. It was bigger than what I felt when I did my first nationals. Since my preparation was good, I could manage this. But next event, I would be back to my best,” she says.
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And more than the medal, she says the acceptance of the system has more reasons to celebrate. “When I wanted to participate in this tournament, I came to meet (C) Latha mam (secretary, Tamil Nadu Athletics Association). I thought she wouldn’t support me. But I was totally taken aback by how she welcomed me. That trust was really good.” Trust, hard work, self belief has brought her life back on track.
